Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
