Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
