Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
