I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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