you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
