Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
