I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
