Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
