And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
