Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
