I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
