So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
