Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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