Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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