Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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