how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
