remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
