look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issuesâ€. Fuck all of you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize