dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
