Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
