I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
