I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
