my phone needs a breathalizer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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