Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize