Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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