I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
