He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
