my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
