Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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