It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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