Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
