This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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