Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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