I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize