So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
