there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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