I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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