my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
