I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
