you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize