I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
