My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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