if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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