Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize