fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
