The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize