I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
