saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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