she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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