i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
