Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
