If that was your dad, he is hot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BRING THE BAGELS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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