she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
