Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
