remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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