Umm I'm too high to move.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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