You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
