Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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