Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
