you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She announced her abortion via fbk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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