she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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