she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
