Will you blow on my dice?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
