That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
