i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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