Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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