people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
