tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
