Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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