Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
