In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize