I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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