Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
