Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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