we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
