I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
