God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
