anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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