Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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