after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she peed on how many people?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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