By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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