That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
