I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
