I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
