sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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