Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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