I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
