You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
