Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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