took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we should paint friendship bongs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
