I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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