My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
