every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
