I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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