The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
